I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
