I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I smell stomach acid.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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