He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
