I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
