I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Panties = found
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
