dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
