i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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