That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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