You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
