Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
