Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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