It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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