I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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