My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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