You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
