They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
