I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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