mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
