What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
