I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
