they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
high people should be assigned attendants
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
