Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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