no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
