I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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