My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
