And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
