she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
