the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
