I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
