I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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