Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
