Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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