I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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