they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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