he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
