omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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