She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
