So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
