Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
