Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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