I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
