I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
