How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
