i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
