i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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