dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize