kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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