On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
