I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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