I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
