So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize