I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
