dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
