Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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