You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
