her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
