he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
