is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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