At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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