the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize