i think i have herpe
just one?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
