i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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