Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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