I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
