went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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