Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
