So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
