dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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