I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
