Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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