youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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