I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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