You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
this hospital has no fireball
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
