how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
