Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
