went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
