I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
