We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Screwed.edu
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
