I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
