The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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