You're my little dorito
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
