You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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