I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
