$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
