My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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