Are we in a gay sports bar?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
