I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
