he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
