I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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