I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
