I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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