That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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