I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
