Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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