You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
