This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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