I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
