she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
40s are totally the cure
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
