No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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