So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
