Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize