i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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