all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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