Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
