dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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